I Honestly Don't Care

Why did you give me so much desire? When there is nowhere I can go to offload this desire - "I Have Forgiven Jesus" - Morrissey

Frustration is a curious feeling. It doesn't just denote a negative feeling. You can be frustrated about a love that puzzles you. You can be frustrated by a crossword puzzle that has you engrossed. You can be frustrated by any number of ridiculous little things in your life. The real question is what is your frustration and what does it drive you to do? Actions driven by emotion are a tricky thing at best. Most would tell you not to harness "negative" emotions for they will only bring pain. Of course I can tell you harnessing "positive" emotions will also result in this previously stated pain. These emotions or feelings are easily the best source of goals and direction in your life. Anger, love, frustration, and revenge are powerful motivators. The real trick is to recognize what you are being motivated by, recognize that you are being controlled by that emotion, and decide if that is what you really want. I guess I'm just workin through some baggage here... Just wanted to express that.

I went to Radio City Music Hall and I saw Morrissey last Saturday. My lord it was good. To those fans of The Smiths and Morrissey, exchange a body part for a ticket. It was one of the more amazing nights of music I have ever witnessed. Even from the ugly second mezzanine seats, it was difficult not to get wrapped up in the emotion of his songs. His voice sounded amazing and the band was so crisp. He played a great mix of songs. He hit most of "You Are the Quarry", did a few other solo pieces, and did a few Smiths numbers. Hearing "How Soon is Now" and "Big Mouth Strikes Again" live was sooo amazing. I do hope he doesn't retire as he is rumored to be thinking of doing. I would love to hear what direction he takes next. What is with the stage rushing tho. Quick explanation... people seem to enjoy rushing up to the stage, climbing on, and hugging Morrissey or shaking his hand and giving him letters (I hear he loves it when people rush the stage). The three people I saw during my concert perform this act looked completely staged. Seems kind of cheesy when its not spontaneous.

We also took A-ren pumpkin picking this past week. Nothing is cuter than photo-ops with someone who really can't say no (literally he doesn't know the word so I can dress him up in a frog suit and just click away... and yes I have a little frog suit.).

The more you ignore me....the closer I get.....


This Weeks Entertainment- Morrissey...Morrissey...Morrissey (After a good show, you cant help but surround yourself with the music)

I'm a Loner Dottie.... a Rebel!

Regrets are worthless, they misconstrue the past. - Midtown

I became a hermit for a bit. I blame work mostly. In the end I figure I'll end up blaming myself but work will do for now as an escape. I felt the urge to write. A few times I even turned towards the computer to do it. I just couldn't bend myself to actually plug in, think about how I'm feeling, and type away at the computer. Instead I just unplugged myself, Logged into Everquest for an hour, went to sleep and restarted this hamster wheel of a life I running right now. I picked up my brother's guitar, tuned it, put it back in the case. Maybe its a complete lack of motivation. I just don't want to do or express anything. I just want to be blank for a while. In the end, I feel a little better and I return.

Enough of the sad James Story.

I have discovered the small pleasure that is A-Ren's baby monitor. If you've never experienced one let me explain. It's basically a one way radio like a walkie talkie. Here's the best part. They make them 900 mhz now. What this means kids is that if you are in a 4 house radius from me, and you happen to have a telephone on the same frequency that my monitor is on, I can hear your conversations. Evil. Truly, truly, evil. I have 3 neighbors on the frequency folks. The conversations are so deliciously wrong, I can't stop listening. I heard one neighbor ordering items from an adult catalog at 6 AM. 6 AM! What the hell? I've barely awoken from my happy dreams to even ponder the need for such great films as Shaving Ryan's Privates and Assmaster 2. Who thinks about this stuff at 6 AM? Someone out there is reading this and not smiling because they have done this. For shame.... go eat some breakfast first. Porn is not the most important meal of the day.

I'm going to say this officially and please hide your eyes if language offends you (like the porn comments didn't). Fuck the election. I mean it. I don't want either of these assholes as my leader. I could give less of a fuck about either of the "candidates". The more I read their positions, the more I look for my other candidates. Why does Ralph Nader or any other candidate need the court system to put them on the ballot? If the party that is backing the candidate has some political identity, why not let them be put on the ballot. Hell, I've already got my ballot ready with my Mark Rendeiro write in. By the way, to all you people sending e-mails that are petitions to keep candidates like Nader (for example) off the ballot and saying not to vote for third parties because it's a waste of a vote or because you are afraid he will take votes away from your candidate... kindly take your e-mail, shine it real nice, turn it sideways, and stick it up your ass. I vote for who I damn well please. It's my right to do it and my decision regarding my opinion is never wrong because it's my opinion. Fuck off.

I feel better.


Latest Entertainment- Fight Club (DVD) - I am Jack's raging bile duct.